Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
