Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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