My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
