When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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