id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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