I wish I only lived at night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
