You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
