Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
