just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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