Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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