Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
