you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
