my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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