sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
