God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
