Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
