If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
