White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
