your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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