I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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