we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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