8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
BRING THE BAGELS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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