All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
