We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
