So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
