i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
