Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize