Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
