The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
