The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize