Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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