I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
