the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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