I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
