you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still dying that you shit outside
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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