whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
