mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
