My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
