I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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