Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize