shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
