we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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