The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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