his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize