I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
