Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
