you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Michael Bay diarrhea
what day is it and did you see me today?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
