So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
