this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
