Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
