best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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