Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize