I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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