Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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