I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
