So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
