do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
