I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
