Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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