Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
